The Last Emotion

I stand at a place where i feel solitude is a state of normalcy. I close my eyes and darkness engulfs me. I open them but the darkness doesn't leave me still. The silence feels like a living,breathing entity,pulsating. My ears feel as if they might burst. I take a few moments to take bear of my surroundings. I look closely and see people around me like shadows,talking in low whispers,some just standing in silence while some i see are crying. I try to understand but can't. The shadows clear away and I see a woman. She's is hysterical,wailing like an animal. There's a man with her,trying to calm her down,but how can he? He himself is unable to stop his tears. It makes me sad,seeing them cry. I wonder what's wrong. I ask the man standing close by but he doesn't respond to me. He looks lost in his own thoughts. Strangely,it doesn't bother me.

I walk towards a room. I see this girl,standing near a showcase,holding a picture frame,weeping quietly. I stand behind her to take a look at the photo,and i see myself. Few moments of confusion and i think i hear a clap of thunder. Every sound in the room is becoming louder and louder,beyond anything i can imagine and i feel my ears will start to bleed. Its me. I can hear me saying. I shout "ITS ME". They are all here cause of me. That's my mother,with her,my father. That other guy,i try not to remember his name. And the girl,Srishti. The pills worked then, i realized,and a sad smile touches my lips.

I am free. I am alone,the way i wanted. I fixed my life and sealed my fate. The rest is their problem. Nobody can hurt me now,nobody can make me feel worthless. I feel no guilt,cause i know i would be worthless if i were alive. My life wasn't particularly necessary to the world,so who cares? I smile again,there's no sadness in it this time.

I see my mother enter the room and i feel a tight knot. Memories flood in. How beautiful she looked when i last saw her. She now looks old. Just old. I remember her laugh. Now i see her crying. She suddenly looks ugly. Too ugly for me to see,for me to remember her by.

I run from the room and try to get out of the house and i see the guy,so close that i can hear him breathing. I feel as if i have been bulldozed over. Looking at his eyes, i feel his soul his soul is in hell, its in such torment. I don't let myself look at them for long n try to rush past him,but then i hear his words, "What was the need? You know i loved you, i would have never left u alone. Ever." I stop and look at him again. It starts to get dark again. I can see forms dissolving into shadows once more. I raise my hand to touch him,hold him, but the darkness engulfs him and he disappears with the rest of everything that once was mine.

I am alone again. Again the dark,the silence,the solitude. But i feel something else too. I close my eyes and think about the face of the woman who was crying, for whom i wanted nothing else but only smiles. I think about the dead whispers, which could have been shrieks of laughter. I remember how numb the house felt. I hoped it would be a home of simple joys. I think about the guy,with his tears and his words. And i open my eyes.

As i drown in darkness and melt away into nothing i feel my last emotion. Regret.