She unlocks the door and enters the house. "I am home", she says to herself,then adds,"Ma". No one replies. She knows no one will,cause there isn't anybody there except her. She keeps her file and purse on the dining table and walks to the kitchen. Humming a tune,she goes on to make herself a cup of tea. As the water boils,she munches a biscuit,lowers the heat n pours the tea in her cup. There's some left,but she empties the pot in the basin. Who's there to share it with, she thinks. She lights a cigarette and tries to make herself comfortable on a chair. She watches as the cigarette burns,eating away the paper,leaving behind ash and smoke. "How mother used to hate me for this",she wonders. But no point in thinking about that now. She finishes her tea and lights another cigarette. Ma was right, loneliness is a burden, and no one can stay alone forever. But it wasn't a choice. She never got the chance to make one. "It didn't work out, Ma, none of them worked",she whispers the words with a sigh. The empty house listens, but doesn't say anything. What can it say? What can anybody say? What is left to say? Nothing.
As she walks to her room,she remembers the late evenings from some long ago moments, when she used to hear the loud noise coming from the T.V in her parents' room, her dad always asking her to come and look at something thats on T.V, how mum used to ask about her day, sharing her gossip and time would rush past. That was then. This is now. And now there is nobody. The sudden stroke, two years back. took away from her the one person who mattered the most. After that it was just her and dad. But father couldn't take it for long. The blow was too much for him. So a year later, he waved his final goodbye too. He went to sleep and didn't wake up. Guess the dreams were just too good. The doctors said it was a natural death. Yeah,natural all right.
She stops herself, doesn't let her get absorbed by the memories. She changes and freshens up. Time for work. Need to plan for tomorrow's class. "Useless", she says to herself, "the kids won't even care." Still she sits with the planner but even after an hour, she finds herself unable to concentrate. She picks up the phone to call some friends, but decides not too. The pujas are near and it peak shopping time. They must all be busy. She puts the phone down and lies down on the bed. Big empty bare bed, just like the big empty house. No longer a home. She closes her eyes and waits for sleep to hug her. "Let me sleep," she thinks, "let the dreams take me. Let me be happy for sometime." Dreams have always been such sweet escape, but for her its but a reality. She rambles through the day, so that in the end, she can return to her own peaceful world, in her dreams, where no one has left her, and she can still smile without having to think. But tonight sleep cheats her. After trying and tossing on bed for an hour, she gives up.
Getting up, she walks to her cupboard an takes down a glass and a bottle of vodka and pours a glass for herself. Taking a drag from the cigarette,she sips the vodka, and all the while thinks about her doctor's word,"Stop drinking please, your body can't take anymore." She smiles, if the doc knew what her mind has to struggle through everyday, he may simply declare her dead.
She doesn't stop herself now. She lets the images and voices drown her. Yellow memories,worn because of time,engulfs her. Memories of forty long years and yet not long enough. It is never enough. The memories don't stop and the vodka level in the bottle gets lower and lower. The clock on the table ticks and time watches and goes as it always has.
Next day, the students wait for their English teacher, silently hoping she doesn't come. Cranky bitch,the call her. They listen to her shrieking the whole year, but with the pujas so near, they didn't want to take more of that now. They give a whoop of relief when they see the substitute teacher walk in. The third period passes with jokes,plans and many youthful dreams. No one misses the absent teacher, except a few, who still have to submit their projects. "Silly cow," one of them grumbles, "have to bring the heavy files tomorrow again." But the next day comes and goes, and the days after that, but the English teacher doesn't come. The substitute entertains the class, the plans and jokes don't stop, the students give their files to another teacher.
Last day of school, and then the holidays. The assembly hall buzzes with voices. The Principal calls for silence. He has an announcement to make. "With great sorrow," he begins, "I have to tell you all that your English teacher,Ms. Gupta, isn't among us anymore. She passed away last night. But her memory will remain with us forever. A moment of silence please, for her."
Ten minutes later,the students flood in their classrooms, hot in discussion about the sudden news. The teacher comes in and they all jump at her with their oh-my-god's and what-happened's. The teacher hushes the class and tells them that Ms. Gupta was very sick and didn't pull through. With that she stops the questions and begins her class.
Later when she enters the teachers' room,she finds the gossip buzzing there also. Everybody wants to point out their own speculations. "The drinking and smoking did that I am sure,"said one. "May be she had some disease we didn't know about. She always was the quiet type," says Mrs. Sinha, while she ties her hair. Mrs Ghosh joined," do u think she killed herself ?" This stirs the conversation a bit more, but Mrs. Shah stops them. "I was there," she says, "her maid found her and took her to the hospital. She was alive then, but her heart was too badly damaged. She died a few days later. The doctors declared a natural death."
Yeah naturally.
